Last weekend we had a dinner party and a friend of ours brought flowers as a house warming gift. Over the past week I’ve been admiring these flowers and I realized the last time flowers were in the apartment, it was after a fight. Lately it seems the only time flowers get introduced to my personal landscape is when there has been some sort of discord. Am I the only one who this applies to? It’s as if we know that if flowers are brought in after a fight, it’s a signal it’s time to clear the air. Plants and flowers by nature are good at air cleaning.
Thinking about it, I can’t say that I remember when I had flowers in the house just for no reason at all. I can’t even recall getting them as a romantic gift in quite some time. Surely at 40 something years of age I can’t have gotten too cynical for getting flowers as a romantic gesture. A talk with the fiance might me in order!
Flowers are such lovely things of beauty and the fact that they aren’t meant to last longer than a week once cut, makes admiring them more purposeful. There’s a reason why the saying goes; take time to stop and smell the roses. Living in a big city, it’s easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle and not notice the small patches of nature and it’s splendor. With that said, I think I’ll go out and buy myself a nice bouquet of something pretty, because we shouldn’t have to wait to be in a fight to have such lovely reminders of nature’s beauty.
I’ve tried to look the other way, but this story is just too big to ignore. For weeks now Mad Men’s Don Draper, aka Jon Hamm, 42, has been making social media ape shit over his membership in the big boys club. Never has a penis garnered so much seemingly unwanted attention. New York Magazine, The Huffington Post, Fox News, ABC News and many other media outlets just can’t let this thing go limp.
Of course it doesn’t help matters when the man attached to the infamous penis refuses to actually wear underwear or pants that won’t hug his member to create a detailed outline. I’ve seen enough of this man to know it hangs to the right and I’ve never met him let alone seen him actually naked.
The irony of it is that while Hamm seems quite upset about all of this sudden objectification, it’s just the tip of the iceberg for what most women endure throughout much of their lives. Welcome to our world dude, now go put on some freaking underpants!
Demi Moore first caught my attention in the 80’s hit, St. Elmo’s Fire. The long dark hair, the mischievous twinkle in her eyes and that voice. She had a wild child allure that made every guy salivate and every girl want to be her best friend.
Over the years I’ve watched Ms. Moore, sometimes with a passing curiosity and sometimes with awe. Her film career and personal life always seem to garner some bit of attention, but lately it’s her love life that appears to be taking center stage.
In recent weeks it’s come to light that Ms. Moore is seeking spousal support and legal fees from her estranged husband, Ashton Kutcher. The fact that Moore is believed to be worth $150 million makes the spousal support request seem to some, like an act of vengeance and hurt rather than of one truly needing financial support. I have no idea what’s really behind Moore’s actions nor do I care to speculate on her motives.
Seeing her in the headlines over this past year has gotten me thinking about how all of us live out contradictory lives at some point. People who have it all put together on the outside rarely appear to be that way on the inside. Role models, as it turns out, are seldom perfect. And so I’ve compiled a list of all the things I’ve come to cringe about regarding Ms. Moore while at the same time loving her anyway.
LOVED HER FOR THIS….She was the first celebrity to appear nude on a cover of a mainstream magazine pregnant, and boy oh boy was there backlash. But she sparked a change in how we see sex symbols and dared to prove that the beauty of pregnancy has it’s own sex appeal.
CRINGED OVER THIS….When this movie was released she was the highest paid actress in Hollywood and arguably one of the most influential. She could have gotten any role she wanted, or gotten any movie made so it’s a bit disappointing that she chose this particular vehicle to display her …. talents.
LOVED HER FOR THIS….While she certainly wasn’t the first woman to date younger men, she changed the game when they actually got married. Ashton Kutcher is 16 years her junior and from the get go he was every girl’s fantasy boy toy. Moore made an honest man out of him giving women in their 40’s a kind of new hope that they too could meet a younger guy and have more than just a casual fling.
LOVED HER FOR THIS….Demi, Ashton and Bruce Willis made the blended family thing look like second nature. Why be advisories when you can all be friends? Who knows if they were a tight bunch in their out of the spotlight moments, the fact that they put on a united public front made us all re-think the term; for the stake of the kids.
CRINGED OVER THIS….Their breakup was headline news around the world, mostly because although we all wanted it to last, somehow we all knew it wouldn’t. It’s not the fact that she dated and fell in love with a younger man, it’s that she dated and fell in love with Ashton Kutcher, every girl’s fantasy boy toy. Despite his political astuteness and seeming enthusiasm to be a step father figure to Moore’s children, who were merely a few years his junior, he was still the guy who created Punk’d. So it came as no surprise when the humiliating headlines surfaced that he had cheated on their anniversary and then the girl who he cheated with gleeful granted interviews detailing the entire meaningless encounter. This wasn’t just a guy who cheated on his wife, this was a guy looking for a way out, and he found it.
LOVED HER FOR THIS…After a year of headlines that saw her in and out of hospitals and rehab, while reportedly having a strained relationship with her daughters, she went and did what a girl half her age would do. Sometimes when it all seems too much, you have to listen to your inner younger girl voice and say”fuck it” and go out and have a good time despite it all.
We all want to think we get older and wiser with age, but the truth is life often gets complicated and messy as the years go by. Celebrities are the prime example of that lesson. Regardless of how things play out for Ms. Moore, I’ll always have great fondness for her bravado and timeless swagger. Check her out in this Jimmy Kimmel clip.
Michael Douglas, 68, and Catherine Zeta Jones, 43. Did a younger man ever stand a chance?
“Greed is good”, do you remember those famous words uttered by Michael Douglas in the 80’s classic film Wall Street? Back then it defined a mind state that seemed particularly pervasive in that era. The idea that I want it, and I want it all for myself became some folks personal mantras. Perhaps it was then that we as a society started to become hyper competitive in how we do things. One upping each other is now an everyday practice that we somehow unwittingly have adopted in our lifestyles. I came to this thought process after going on the hunt for various things over the past few days and weeks.
The competition to eat a meal
First, a place to find Bru-dinner. Bru-dinner is a term my fiance came up with several years ago for that time period, particularly on a Sunday when it’s too late for brunch but a bit too early for dinner. Living in NYC we often fine it challenging to go out during normal eating hours on the weekends because most places are packed. Rather than enduring insufferably long waits, we came up with the concept of Bru-dinner. Usually we pick 4:30 to 5:30 as the ideal Bre-dinner time because that’s when restaurants have cleared out their brunch customers and are preparing for dinner. I know it’s considered an old folks time of day to eat, but hey it works for us. We use these Sunday meals as a chance to explore new neighborhoods and cuisines at our leisure. Usually we can go right in, get a table and be eating in less then 20 minutes. When we’re done, there’s plenty of time to enjoy a movie, an early evening stroll, or go home and relax with a movie and dessert. We’ve come to love these meals and look forward to them whenever they come up. Except this past Sunday when at 4:30 in the afternoon every place we went, was ridiculously packed. It was as if someone let the cat out the bag and everyone had adopted our Bru-dinner date.
Competing for brunch, lunch, dinner and now our beloved Bru-dinner almost sent us over the edge. We settled on eating at a diner.
Then there is my search for a venue to host my reception. We’ve come up with a date and it’s more then a year away. So with such a large lead time I never thought I’d be in an almost panic about not finding a suitable place to hold my wedding and reception, yet panicking I most certainly am. Turns out many venues are booked 18 months in advance. WHAT! With all the doom and gloom talk by the media about a slow recovering economy and there being fewer people getting married as a lifestyle choice, I thought finding a place to wed would be no problem.
Bruce Willis, 58, and his wife Emma Heming Willis, 34. His on screen and off screen co-stars are all at least 20 years his junior.
Last night my fiance brought over a male friend for dinner. He’s an older gentleman of about 65 and he’s single and very ready to mingle. He has girls on the brain and takes every opportunity to meet every available woman within 30 seconds of entering a room. He says his target age range for dating is, 20 to 55. WOW! My fiancee told me he was glad he was off the market because it’s tough out there, you’re competing with every guy who has a pulse, and a Viagra prescription.
Suddenly I’m looking around and wondering when did everything we do as a society become so competitive? I suspect we couldn’t fine a place to eat at 4:30 because everyone else thought like we did, lets eat earlier and avoid the wait. Same goes with the wedding stuff. People are locking in venues who aren’t even engaged yet, but suspect they will be soon and don’t want to chance losing their ideal location. My older gentleman friend has been in and out of relationships and prefers in rather than out and never see’s any guy regardless of age as a threat to his game. It’s all a bit nutty and it’s happening with everything and everywhere. Hunting for something should ideally be fun, but it isn’t when the competition is so unrelenting. Perhaps it’s a result of our population growth, and our aging society hanging around longer. Actually I don’t know why we are all so eager to get “there” first, but I do remember when it became popular and I’m blaming Gordon Gekko.
Betty Draper from Mad Men reluctantly seeks therapy
I’ve been in therapy off and on over the course of my life for various reasons. The first time was due to a rocky childhood, the next was after a family death and at other times I’ve just needed a hand getting through difficult experiences. I’m in therapy now simply because I want to be a more well rounded and deeply comfortable in her own skin kinda gal.
When I started therapy late last year I will admit I had a lot going on and the last thing I wanted was to sit in a chair and explain to a stranger what my problems were. Yet I knew it’s because I was being torn in so many different directions that I needed a place and a space to stop and analyze what I was doing and why I was doing it.
Carrie needed something more than cigarettes, comos, her girls and Big, she needed therapy!
Now for some, the duty of a good girlfriend, boyfriend, husband, significant other and the like, is to act as a pseudo therapist when you need to vent. I agree that talking things out with someone who knows you can be a good thing and we all should do it. When I need to air out my bad day, or complain about a co-worker or an acquaintance, a friend or my Boo is my best listener/adviser. I happily do the same for them. When I need to sit and really work through some issues in my life, like how to effectively communicate about a difficult subject without escalating into an argument, or how to not let what others do affect my mood, I talk to my therapist.
Jennifer Aniston, 44, has spoken candidly about being in therapy
Recently I struggled with a difficult situation that seemed to reoccur and despite my lamenting about it to friends, I was unable to find a good solution to put it to rest. When I talked it over with my therapist her answer to my problem was so succinct, I couldn’t believe it would be that easy, but it was. That’s the beauty of a therapist, they give you an outside perspective that you, nor your friends and family might see. A good therapist not only knows who you are, but who you are trying to become and they can help you on your path to getting there.
Gwyneth Paltrow, 40, doesn’t keep it secret that she see’s a therapist
Taking the time every week to just work on my inner self is a major act of self love. As we age, taking care of yourself goes beyond your physical health especially when you realize your emotional well being is equally important. When you start feeling stressed and overwhelmed, it’ll come up in therapy and it’s there that you can deal with it before it takes a destructive toll on your life. In the few months we’ve been meeting, I already feel mentally lighter and more emotionally balanced.
It’s like this, I’m already driving around in a Ferrari, I’m simply trying to build a better engine.
I love beautiful pictures. During my dorm room days in college, my first act of settling in involved putting up pretty posters on my walls. When decorating, the hunt for wall art can be a challenge to your wallet. How do you find great pieces that reflect your decor and won’t cost your next month’s rent? Ask someone you know to create the art for you. That’s just what I did several years ago when I asked a friend who’s a scenic in the film industry to create a painting for me. I wanted something abstract with splashes of color that indirectly reminded me of a rainbow. He came up with this piece and I loved it.
Now that we have moved, I adore how it brightens up the space over our dining room table and gives the entire room some life.
The in-laws pendant lamp and my custom made art work
The next time you are looking for art that is unique and personal, try asking the people you know if they can create something for you. Having something personally made will not only add beauty but it will serve as a reminder of a wonderful friendship.
I recently came across this question while reading another blog. It was answered from a young man’s perspective where he stated that if you were north of your late 20’s, dating longer than 2 years probably was not a good idea. This implies that you shouldn’t be dating someone without an end goal in mind after a certain age. I definitely agree if your end goal is marriage, but be aware, life doesn’t always present us with a set and clear path to getting there.
Most of my 20’s were spent in a long term, on and off type relationship. Looking back what should have promptly ended in college, lingered on until it met a sad, mellow dramatic and long over due demise. I enjoyed dating in my 30’s but I have to admit, I dated while being on the hunt for a boyfriend. I was a monogamous dater, one guy at a time, lasting anywhere from a few weeks to a couple of months. It wasn’t until my mid 30’s that I realized I didn’t just want another boyfriend, I wanted a future husband.
When my perceptive changed my dating habits changed. I started dating more stable, serious minded men. Before long I met the guy who would become the one. Yet we have been together for six and a half years and are only now planning marriage. Why did we wait so long to make the leap? As the saying goes, shit happens. In an ideal world, when that two year mark came in your relationship, you would both wake up on that day knowing that you were ready to commit the rest of your lives together, until death did you part, or until you grew tired of teach other and got divorced.
As a woman north of her 20’s and 30’s I can tell you life doesn’t happen that way. People come together and may be compatible but are on totally different points in their careers and personal development. One movie that addresses this brilliantly is The Five Year Engagement. The premise of the film involves two people who are clearly made for each other and madly in love but can’t seem to get married because their careers are going in opposite directions. I can relate. People would often say to me, wow you guys have been together a long time, why haven’t you gotten married? My reply; we just aren’t ready yet.
Now let me be clear, while we were not ready for marriage, we were never in doubt that we were in a serious and committed relationship. We lived together, shared household expenses, were entrenched in each others families and friends. We were not dating just to be dating. And there lies the difference. When you know what you want, dating gets easier. When you know who you want to be with and why you are with them, being in a relationship gets easier. The path to your future is evident. But first, you have to get clear.
If you want to be serious with someone, you have to start by getting serious with yourself. If you know you want to date someone with the purpose of getting beyond just dating at any point in the relationship, then get prepared. Date people who are going to be compatible with your life’s goals. Date people with similar values and financial interests. Date people who want to be in a real relationship. When you set yourself up to be in a serious relationship, you won’t have to ask the question– when should we get serious?– because the relationship will provide the answer.
Have you ever reached a point in your life when you looked in the mirror and thought; hummm I could use a little something? Perhaps it’s that I’m planning my wedding, or maybe it’s because I’ve been making YouTube videos to go along with this blog. Whatever it is, I’ve begun to take a very critical look at my looks and I’ve decided, I need work.
Faith Hill all smiles in braces at the Grammy Awards 2013
Last month when Faith Hill, 45, stepped onto the red carpet at the Grammy Awards sporting a pretty black dress and a smile full of metal, my initial reaction was; how brave! This trend of grownups wearing braces isn’t new. Tom Cruise sported braces at the age of 39, Gwen Stefani was heading towards 30 when she rocked braces, albeit for style purposes, because by then she could actually afford them.
Tom Cruise and Gwen Stephani prove you’re never too cool or too old to wear braces
I’ve always wanted to do something about my own set of pearly whites, but I never had the money to make them a priority. Even when I did have the dough, I often thought, well I’m well past the point of teenager, I would just look silly with them now. However, in recent weeks I’ve revisited my thoughts on this and I’ve decided; you’re never too old for self improvement!
There is always something we can fix and make better. I’m not saying go out and splurge on radical, extreme makeover type plastic surgery. What is good for some people is just too much for most of us. Yet when you look in the mirror, when you see something that could within reason be fixed, why not fix it? Straightening your teeth, toning up in the gym, or getting lasik surgery to get rid of those annoying glasses, are all ways we can self improve. Heck even a good hair cut and teeth whitener can do wonders. So next time you take a hard look in the mirror, don’t just wish you could fix a problem area, make a plan to do it. My dentist is now on speed dial.
The fashion experts all agree that black and white combinations, peekaboo pieces, leather, and low heeled shoes will rule the streets this spring. I love black and white, but it doesn’t exactly conjure up images of spring. Peekaboo tops and dresses, I’m sure it’ll work for someone, just not me. Leather in spring, hummm, let me think about that one. Now the low heeled shoes, that’s the trend I’ll be going with because it’s what I already do.
These pants paired with simple black makes a great impact
Being a 42 year old woman, I love keeping up with all the latest fashion trends. Last summer, I authentically embraced the neon trend without looking like I was trying too hard to be 20 by adding several pretty brightly colored t-shirts to my wardrobe. The best part about being in your 30’s and 40’s is that you know enough about yourself to know what you look good in and what to steer clear of, regardless of trend. I’ll often scour the web looking at things I love and figure out how to duplicate or put my own spin on a trend, and simply ignore the rest.
Get fashion inspiration while window shopping
One trend that I’ve seen over and over in department store displays and spring windows, here in NYC, is patterned pants. And I must say, I’m in love. I’ve been seeing the trend of polka dots and leopard prints for years. Now there appears to be a push towards more intricate patterns like ikat, glen plaid, and hounds-tooth for spring. Even camouflage can be made sexy if done in a skinny jean with a shiny heel and a solid color open neckline top. So when you’re searching for ideas for your signature look for spring, go beyond the fashion magazines, get outside and look around, you might just find all the inspiration you need.
Take those print pants, add a pretty top and a nice shoe